Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

Why don't women need a watch?

There's a clock on the stove.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

How is everything?

ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt

Where's your wedding ring?

I said, "I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you call an egg that cures cancer?

A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.

Sentence Jokes More Sentence Jokes

Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life?

He had no leg to stand on.

What's wrong with the sentence "Jack and Jill is playing in the field?

Women should be first.

Short Jokes More Short Jokes

Why do kids with down syndrome wear shorts?

Because they have bad genes.

Why do electricians wear pants?

Because they hate shorts.

Saturday Jokes More Saturday Jokes

Why don't the post office get the Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday?

Work smarter not harder people.

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

Format Jokes More Format Jokes

What format do Emo's prefer to compress files?

RAR

How many religious women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nun.

Script Jokes More Script Jokes

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Whatcha Jokes More Whatcha Jokes

Whatcha inventing?

I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."

Whatcha call that?

Head over heels.

Topic Jokes More Topic Jokes

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...