How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?

The screen stays black when you check the time.

Why did the stressed out zombie go on vacation?

He needed some time to himself to decompose.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What type of tree hates company?

Sycamore trees!

What do you call the second-most hated politician in America?

Madam President.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.

What's three times worse than OCD?

OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait...

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Who writes books for little bees ?

Bee-trix Potter !

What do rappers use to write their lyrics?

Word,yo.

Waste Jokes More Waste Jokes

What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?

Stall

What is it called when a bunch of people, all under 5'2", go to a raging party?

High wasted shorts!

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do birds give out on Halloween?

A: Tweets.

What do birds give out on Halloween?

Tweets.