How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the time traveler say at the birthday party?

I'd tell you happy birthday, but to me, you've been dead for centuries

What's Lisbeth's twin sister's name who enjoys spending time on the internet?

Elizabeth.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What food do vampires hate?

Steaks.

What music does a balloon really hate?

Pop

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny God: Just a second.

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What would you use to write down a description of the dump you just took?

A No. 2 pencil.

Who wrote "The Open Kimono"?

Seymour Hare.

Waste Jokes More Waste Jokes

Why was the nun named "NPN"?

She was a trans-sister! I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke

What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?

Stall

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny