How do you turn soup into gold?

You add 24 carats!

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What is the best thing about duct tape?

It turns no no no into mm mm mmmm.

What's long and thick and turns conservative women on?

The Bible

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What would gold say if it could talk?

A-U" :

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

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What sort of soup do skeletons like?

One with plenty of body in it.

How did the date go?

Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.