How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!
Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!
Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb
Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.
One. He is drunk, and he tells the bulb to screw itself.
Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to hug and kiss him.
An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.