A: Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in.
None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.
Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)
Here, hold this."
Because nobody wants to hold an erection.
Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.
None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.
A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
A: It's all in the grip.
Toolsie!
A hammer.