Why I'm Breaking Up With You" Him: Wait, what the--?

Me: Please hold all questions until the end.

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Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison?

A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)

Why fist fights break out at NASA?

Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

End Jokes More End Jokes

How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God?

Ramen.

What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?

You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

Why did Jon snow wait outside he Apple Store for 3 days?

For the watch

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.