What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"

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What do nails like to do on the weekend?

Get hammered.

What did the shoe say about the customer who didn't like that it had yellow shoestring?

That's lacist.

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Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog?

A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.

Where do Sikhs buy clothes?

Turban Outfitters

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How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words ;)

How is this joke similar to a musical about a thesaurus?

Both are a play on words.

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What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"

How did Jared Fogle lose so much weight?

because he chose from the kids menu