What are your intentions?

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating." ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

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Year Jokes More Year Jokes

Why are cigarette taxes such a safe bet right now?

One way or the other, there's going to be a lot of smoking over the next four years.

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What qualifies as a "short stack" of pancakes?

I mean, 2.5 feet is relatively short, right Yes Okay cool. Then I just ate a short stack.

What's your favorite word?

5-Year-Old: Empathy! I don't even know what it means! Me- I know how you feel.

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man?

Ten minutes.

How do you tell if a woman is a feminist?

She'll tell you within five minutes.

Intention Jokes More Intention Jokes

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.