What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?

Both were shot before a live audience.

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Why are Americans so good at shooting?

They have the best schools for it.

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

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What do you call a spider that likes 80s music?

A Durantula.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 80?

Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!

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What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*

Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln?

Because he was always in a cent.