What is Jesus's go-to pickup line?

Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?

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What's a hipsters favorite season?

Summer, they like it before it's cool

What do you call someone who likes to dress up like Jesus?

A cross-dresser.

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When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

How do introverts feel within society?

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Why didn't Jesus cross the road?

Because you can't cross a road when your nailed to a cross

How did Jesus lose his virginity?

When he was nailed on the cross.

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What did Jesus say when they un-nailed his hands from the cross?

THE FEET, THE FEET, THE FEET!!!

Why is Jesus so bad at hockey?

Because he keeps getting nailed to the boards!