What kind of cats lay around the house?

A: Car-pets!

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Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

Why can't Caitlyn Jenner lie to her kids?

She's a transparent.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

How do you know a cat is ready to leave?

He makes a fe-line for the door.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What's a poker player's favorite sitcom?

Full House.

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

What kind of beer does a cow brew?

Heifer-weizen.