What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?

2 large planes

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What do you call a 2 legged dog who always ignore your calls?

Your ex!

Who is it?

Police: Police. Me:What do u want Police: To talk. Me: How many r u Police: 2 Me: Talk to each other.

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How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

What kind of pizzas can tell the future?

Medium Pizzas

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What kind of shoes do thieves wear?

Sneakers.

What kind of Asian dish takes away your freedoms?

Kung Pao Chicken

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How fast can you order a pizza?

HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT

Why did the captain execute the pastry chef?

Because his orders were to shoot all desserters.