deck the halls with boughs of free cash
Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
Buy a deck of cards.
The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance
because AIR IS FREE
My favorite is: "There's a maniac living in our neighborhood. He goes house-to-house leaving severed body parts on the doorstep. He gives me the willies."
Pirates.
Boy:Because you didn't tell me I would be performing in a hall
