What's going on?

Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet They think I'm pee!

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Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

Why I'm Breaking Up With You" Him: Wait, what the--?

Me: Please hold all questions until the end.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?

You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike

What makes you think this is steak?

While I stroked his thigh with a knife.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.

What is the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, plastic, and dangerous for your kids to play with and the other holds your groceries

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?

Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it

What is it son?

Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!