What's updog?

Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What did the black kid with diarrhea say to his mom?

Help! I'm melting!

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What do you call that mean guy who keeps waking you up?

A myoclonic jerk.

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

School Jokes More School Jokes

Why do we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off?

So the black people will not be the only ones skipping school.

What's with people thinking white people shoot up schools?

I'm white and I have only shot up like 2 schools.