Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?

Who cares

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?

Because he sleeps on a waterbed !

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Which candidate will most improve our country?

2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge

How do you start a baby shower?

Throw it into a wood chipper.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Why should a honeymoon only be six days?

ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

What did the seven dwarves say when Snow White finally woke up?

Well, it looks like its back to jerking off.