Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What did Mario say to Yoshi when he started climbing the Cherry tree?

X-post r/landscaping) Yoshino!!!

When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME leans across Oh really?

DATE: Yes

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night?

Nocturtle

What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers?

Whedon?

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.