Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

What's better than a violin on your bed?

A fiddle between the sheets

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

An instagator!

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why did the calendar die?

It's days were numbered.

Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station?

It is a day to be tankful.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

Why did the band Wham! break up?

Because he didn't wake him up before he went went. It's , people.