Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

What did the alien say to the gas pump ?

Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What is the integral of 1/cabin?

B: "Log cabin!" A: "Nope, Houseboat. You forgot the C."

What is a long room with many doors called?

I'm not sure, I hallways forget

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

How would you feel if I die?

Husband: I will go mad with grief. Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!

What does a Russian woman say to stop her husband from abusing her?

Vladislov, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... I'm sorry..

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

How does a crackhead lose weight?

Diet Coke.

What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!