Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

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Why did Mary Magdalen love Jesus?

Because he was hung like this

What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's throat?

Her miscarriage.

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Why can't Edward leave Russia?

He's Snowden.

How did Sarah Palin see Russia from her house?

She didn't, it was just an Aleutian.

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What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?

Crimea River.

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

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When Do You Hurt a Midget?

When He is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!

How does he smell?

A: Terrible!

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What did the eggs say when the cops showed up?

Everybody scramble!

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.