Why doesn't god like bacon?

Because he isn't real.

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What is Jesus's go-to pickup line?

Would you like me to show you what it feels like to get nailed?

What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?

A little otter

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Why was Jesus not Mexican?

No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico

How do we know God is not a woman?

Because the Earth is not a sandwich!

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What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon. :P