Bacon Jokes

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

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What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

How do Jamaicans pronounce bacon?

The same way British people pronounce beer can.

Why is it impossible to say no to french fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

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What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit The Frog's fingers.

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

Why doesn't god like bacon?

Because he isn't real.

What do Kermit The Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog's finger...

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon. :P

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its tiny brooms.

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What is small furry and smells like bacon ?

A hamster !

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original ) A Porcupine!

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What did Freddy Mercury have for breakfast?

Bacon and AIDS (I'm so sorry Freddy)

Who's there ! Bacon ! Bacon who ?

Bacon a cake for your birthday !

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What would happen if pigs could fly?

Bacon would go up!

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

How can you tell if someone loves bacon?

Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke.

Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

To start some bacon

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

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Pan Jokes More Pan Jokes

How are bears related to cooking?

The pan... duh

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away its brooms.

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

French Jokes More French Jokes

Why French Fighter jet are name phantom?

Because they don't exist.

Why did Aristotle hate French fries?

They were fried in ancient grease!

Kermit Finger Jokes More Kermit Finger Jokes

What's small and green and smells like pork?

Kermit's Finger.

What's green, slimy and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

How does an elephant get out of a small car ?

The same way that he got in !

Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?

Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.

Shrimp Jokes More Shrimp Jokes

What do Godzilla and shrimp have in common?

They both crustaceans

What's Tyrion Lannisters's favourite sea food?

Shrimp.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

How do you know if a woman is hot for you?

When you stick your hand in her underpants it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Kermit Jokes More Kermit Jokes

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.