Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How is your job and your wife different?

I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done

What is the definition of a Wife?

An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

When is a car, not a car?

When it turns into a driveway.

How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

How long are you supposed to wait to return a boy's call?

This IRS guy sounded pretty into me

What do you call a midget in a Mental Asylum?

I don't really know, but it sounds a little crazy

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do they always forget to do after filming a season of Game of Thrones?

The last one out is meant to get the Wights

Why do the proms stop after high school?

Just because I'm an adult now doesn't mean I don't still need to grind on people to Lil' Jon songs.

Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

Sale Jokes More Sale Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What do you call a pickle on sale?

A sweet Dill.