Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?

To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

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Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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Purchase Jokes More Purchase Jokes

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

What did the photocopier say about its favorite purchased song?

That's my pay-per jam.

Grocery Bag Jokes More Grocery Bag Jokes

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

What is the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, plastic, and dangerous for your kids to play with and the other holds your groceries

Grocery Store Jokes More Grocery Store Jokes

What did the boy buy at the grocery store?

Too Bad, I'm not telling you!

What do you call a grocery store for people with dementia?

Question Mart.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR &amp?

a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!

What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?

The spelling Teehee

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many French people need to defend Paris?

It isn't known, never tried.

Why aren't the Eagles worried about big cats sneaking up on them?

They know there ain't no way to hide those lion eyes.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Who has two thumbs and looks an awful lot like Alec Baldwin?

Alec Baldwin

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management?

They hold a runoff election.

Farm Animal Jokes More Farm Animal Jokes

Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Which two farm animals are the dirtiest?

Brown chicken brown cow..