Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?

To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

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Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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Charlie Sheen Jokes More Charlie Sheen Jokes

Why is Charlie Sheen always seen smiling?

Because he's so damn positive!

How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV?

By banging 7-gram rocks.

Freezer Jokes More Freezer Jokes

Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why did the milk cow want the role of the camel in the nativity play so badly?

She thought she was a dromedary.

What do you call it when seven minutes in heaven is played at Comic-Con?

A: Close encounters of the nerd kind

Purchase Jokes More Purchase Jokes

What did the photocopier say about its favorite purchased song?

That's my pay-per jam.

What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves?

I expect to Potter-own 'em.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Who's a good girl?

WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*

What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old?

doesn't matter... must not look down..

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

What do dark humour and food have in common?

Only some people get it.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why don't we let Google Chrome drive?

Because it crashes all the time.

Why are you driving on the sidewalk?

Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street.

Visit Jokes More Visit Jokes

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid