Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?

To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

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Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony :D

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software?

Getting McCafe on McAfee

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why are giraffe's necks so long?

Because their heads are so far away from their bodies!

Why is it so hard to build a blonde snowman?

Because you have to hollow out the head.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

Why are the Irish so rich?

Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe

How do you sink an Irish submarine?

A: Knock on the hatch.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you call children born into a whorehouse?

Your kids

What do you call a kid who's dad is Jamaican and mom is Chinese?

Rastafriedrice

Grocery Bag Jokes More Grocery Bag Jokes

What is the difference between michael jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, plastic, and dangerous for your kids to play with and the other holds your groceries

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What do you call it when your child teaches you something they are interested in?

A: Learning from your mistakes.

What do you call a virgin in West Virginia?

An only child....

American Jokes More American Jokes

Why do american bears have forelimbs?

They have the right to bear arms

Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe?

They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.

Dementia Jokes More Dementia Jokes

What to hear a joke about dementia?

Pickles

What did the italian man with dementia have for dinner?

Forgetti Bolognese.