Tomato Jokes

What happens when you run away from tomatos?

They ketchup.

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What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

What is like tomato but better?

DD-WRT

What's red, round and goes up and down, up and down?

A tomato in an elevator

What's red and goes up and down?

A tomato in an elevator.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What did the tomato say to the cheese in court?

I rest my queso.

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What did the tomato say to the peach?

Nice pits."

What did the tomato say to the mushroom?

You're a fun guy"

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

what's tomato with you !

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How can you tell a dog from a tomato?

The tomato is red.

What's small red and goes up and down?

A tomato in an elevator.

What's red and moves up and down?

A tomato in an elevator :)

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?

The tomato was in a can.

What did one tomato say to the other?

A: Catch up.

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What does a tomato and a potato have in common?

Both are red,except from the potato.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?

Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate.

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Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling a little funny. He had testicular cancer.

Onion Jokes More Onion Jokes

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

Honey Jokes More Honey Jokes

Why does everybody love honey?

Because it never gets old.

What are we supposed to do about it?

Dad replies: "I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."

Shoe Jokes More Shoe Jokes

Why do shoes get sad... Why do shoes get sad when they lose their matching shoe?

Because they lost their solemate

What's the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted mathematician?

The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.

Ear Jokes More Ear Jokes

When does one play a corny game?

You play it by ear.

What do you get if you put 20 blondes in a row standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

Communicate Jokes More Communicate Jokes

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

Through sine language.

Spank Jokes More Spank Jokes

What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

What do you mean you're not going to spank me?

I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

gtOnly if you go aks your mother.

What's the penalty for bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.