Performer Jokes

What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?

He suffered an elegiac reaction.

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What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

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Perform Jokes More Perform Jokes

Which fish can perform operations ?

A Sturgeon !

Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

Behave Jokes More Behave Jokes

What did did the mother duck say to her duckling?

A: "If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."

What's Iraq's favourite sitcom?

Men behaving Baghdadly.

Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What do ya call it when a lizard goes completely limp?

A reptile-dysfunction.

Why was the lizard upset with her husband?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ... Okay bye now

Member Jokes More Member Jokes

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but he'd have to watch Radiohead do it first.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What happened to you?

the doctor asks. "I stepped on something."

What did the doctor say to the domestic abuse victim?

See you next "fall".

Concentrate Jokes More Concentrate Jokes

Why was the distracted man fired from his job at the distillery?

Because he couldn't concentrate

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?

It said "concentrate" on it!

Complain Jokes More Complain Jokes

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to complain that it's electrified.

What do you call a Warriors fan that complains about the refs?

A retarded bandwagoner

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when the barman died?

The police held an inn-quest

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram