How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

How do you know when you're lonely?

When 90% of your search history is ASMR videos.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

Why did two ferrets decide to meet?

They were trying to start a business.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Where do men have the most curly hair?

In Africa

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?

Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada

How can you tell the Ethiopian diplomat at a political function?

He's the one with the gold Rolex around his neck.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do you call a programming language designed for women?

An object oriented programming language.

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich

Sentence Jokes More Sentence Jokes

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?

Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "