How many of you believe in telekinesis?

Raise MY hand!

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?

About five gallons of gasoline," I replied.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?

Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."

Where's the cake?

Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes.