What am I doing with the rest of my life?

I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is santa always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?

Life is like a box of chocolates...

What do quantum physicists do when life gives them lemons?

Everything

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

Why is Islam called the religion of peace?

After you leave the religion, you rest in peace.

How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes 1 to screw it in, and 99 to tweet about it.