What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon?

Tennish

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

Why was Joe disappointed when he read the newspaper in Washington?

There were no jokes in the Post.

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What is a video game characters favorite method of brawling?

Hitboxing!

What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?

Pirates.