What are your best "If I had for every time..." jokes?

Two of my favorites are:

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time?

A widow

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP...

...but you might not get it.

What joke is the darkest?

Fire away please! I want to hear it all!

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What's a Brooklyn contractors favorite dance?

Dewalts

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite, When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.