What can relax you and drown you at the same time?

A one-hour facial.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

A phoney friend!

Drown Jokes More Drown Jokes

Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned?

He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

What happened to the fish?

Me: It drowned. 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: ... Me: ... 4yo: Must have been a really stupid fish.

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

What is that new movie about?

About an hour

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

Bartender says, "here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!"

Relax Jokes More Relax Jokes

Where do French lawyers like to relax?

The J'accusi

What did the man get for winning the muscle relaxing contest?

Atrophy!