What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

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Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

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He's got his left ear, his right ear...and the final front ear.

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What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

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Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

What does Captain Kirk wear to the fitness center?

Jim shorts.