What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How do you know if someone is half texan and half Canadian?

It rhymes when they say. "Keep at eye out for a coyote."

What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

What did the rubber say when he was offered a job as the high school choir teacher?

I can't, I'm not a conductor." Pffffffhehewheheheheheh.

Resort Jokes More Resort Jokes

Whats the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others.

What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays?

This is my last resort.