What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon at?

Tennish.

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

What is the safest place in the galaxy?

In the direct line of fire of a Storm Trooper.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

What do you name a deaf dog?

It doesn't matter, he ain't coming anyways.

How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Doesn't matter, ants can't rent a house