What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

What time of day is the saddest?

The mourning

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire?

She's Bright...

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.

How do you stop a Polish battletank?

Shoot the guy pushing it.

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

What's the difference between a bird, and a bird with only one wing?

It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).

What happens if I put a vial in another vial and then in another vial?

It doesn't matter.