What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

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Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

What did the policeman say when he pulled over a nissan?

Nissan Haltima Bonus: What do you call it when a kia pulls up to a red light Kia stoptima

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

What do you have to use to check a test on Telemarketing?

A Scamtron.

What did the pirate photographer say?

Check out my DSL-Arrrgh.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter?

A rashtag.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

What's that hangin' off ye?

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Why did the baker rob the deer park?

He kneaded the doe. (Doesn't work too well in text)