What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

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Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

Why didn't you stop at that red light?

Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

It's only check, mate

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter?

A rashtag.

What do Twitter users and lollipops have in common?

They're mostly Dum Dums.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Why isn't he responding to us?

I'm annoyed H I A N N O Y E D I M D A D

What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions?

Spocrates.

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.