What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

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Why did the storm trooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

Why did the junkie walk into the pet store?

To buy some quack croakaine!

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What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

Why does Snoop always carry an umbrella?

Fo da drizzle.

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Where did Sally go during the explosion?

Everywhere!

What do you call a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables?

Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia