What kind of fruit tells the best jokes?

A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.

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Why did black people pick so much cotton?

Because we told them to.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

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What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

Why did the protester cross the road?

To get to the Occupy! EDIT: To get to the other side/Occupy?

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What would be your reply?

Someone stops you in the middle of the road and asks you to tell him a good joke, What would be your reply?

What is the best joke you have heard?

Any best joke

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What kind of a friar loves philosophy?

A deep friar.

What kind of batteries do stuttering Canadians use?

Triple Eh's.

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Why is Mike Pence magic?

He can turn fruits to vegetables

What did the banana say to the apple?

Nothing. Fruits can't talk. Idiot.