Fruit Jokes

What do you call a piece of fruit that can fly?

A pearrot

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What do you need to drink out of a fruit?

a STRAWberry. ...I'll go...

What brand of underwear did Jesus wear?

Fruit of the Womb

What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry?

No, you cantaloupe.

Which fruit can't get married?

A can't elope. Or better yet None of them because of the lgbt movement.

What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months?

The fruits of her labor.

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! Edit: Did not expect this joke to get this good of a reception. Thanks, guys!

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A brick to the back of his head should do it.

What did the vegatable say to the fruit?

Turnip

What kind of underwear does a person wear when buried?

Fruit of the tomb

What did the banana say to the orange?

Fruit can't talk

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What do you call a fruit that won't get married?

A Cantaloupe.

Why a fruit doesn't walk?

Because fruit flies

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Drive a bus through a pride parade

What do you call a fruit that is a vegetable?

A crippled homo.

What kind of fruit can't get married?

A Cantleope

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married??

A Cantaloupe.

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope :D

What do you call two fruits that can't get married?

Cantaloupes

How's the fruit?

Just peachy.

What fruit worries teenagers the most?

A promegranate.

What fruit fits best in your palm?

a palm-agranate!

What fruit makes you confused?

Papayas See, you're confused right?

What fruit can't get married?

CANTELOPE

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit?

Durian durian! im sorry

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair

What is the tastiest liquid in a fruit?

The IV Drip

What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Jeffrey Dahmer!

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married?

Cantaloupe...

What is both a fruit and a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

How do you make a fruit cordial?

Be nice to him.

What kind of fruit tells the best jokes?

A punkin. Edit: and apparently not me.

How did the fruits get married?

They Cantaeloped!

What did the banana say to the apple?

Nothing. Fruits can't talk. Idiot.

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates?

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates? ...A Cramberry!

What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil?

One's a fruit, you idiot.

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone?

A banana-nana-nana Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

What type of fruit do twins prefer?

Pears.

Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy?

Because he ate five fruits a day!

What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer?

13 blackberries and 5 apples

What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Why is Mike Pence magic?

He can turn fruits to vegetables

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

A cantaloupe.

What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to?

Cantelope.

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

what's tomato with you !

What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit?

A chairy.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home?

Cantaloupe

What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits?

He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse.

What do you call a fruit that stays up very late to study for tests?

A: A cramberry.

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Why did the fruits take out a $30,000 loan for their wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why is it so important to fruits to get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

How do you...?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable Give it aids.

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?

A cantelope

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

What is Romeo and Juliets least favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe.

What type of fruit is impossible to marry?

Cantaloupe

Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

oc Because he cantaloupe.

What do you call heavy metal music written about fruit?

Applecore. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?

A fruit by the foot

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What do you call the fruit of Islam?

Quran-berries

Which fruit can never get married?

Melons, because they can'telope.

Why did the fruit leave office?

because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

What type of fruit loves chocolate the most?

A Coconut.

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry?

OC Cantaloupes.

What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?

deleted

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How do you make a computer your best friend?

You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

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What do you call a fruit that stays up very late to study for tests?

A: A cramberry.

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates?

What do you call a fruit that procrastinates? ...A Cramberry!

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Why did the man go to the doctor after taking his friend to work?

He had carpool tunnel

What do you call a mythical milkshake?

Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)

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What do North Koreans lack that South Koreans do not?

North Koreans have no Seoul.

What country's citizens are most affected by global warming?

South Koreans

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Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

How does an ugly guy get the girl?

All he needs is game

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When's the best time to procrastinate?

Later.

Why do people procrastinate?

I'll tell you later.

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What is the difference between a sociopath and a buddhist?

A sociopath sees people as things a buddhist sees things as people.

What's the difference between a mechanical and a civil engineer?

One builds weapons and the other build targets.

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Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

Because he couldn't find a date!

What do you call blueberries, raspberries and strawberries inside of a hidden chest?

Berried Treasure.