What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin. Courtesy of my dad.

What do you give a Greek man with a scratchcard?

A coin to scratch it with.

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Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is ye difference between a porcupine and a porsche?

The pricks are in the inside of the Porsche.

What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has "apple" in it?

A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

What did the casket say to the sick casket?

Are you coffin

Elvis Presley Jokes More Elvis Presley Jokes

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Why can't Elvis Presley drive?

Cause he's dead.