When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did American football player Michael Vick want to see the film "Top Gun"?

He heard the film had dogfighting scenes

Why did the Time Traveler give Julius Caeser a BJ?

He wanted to go down on history.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What's the best way to make money with a plus-size modeling agency?

Life insurance policies.

Why was the fruit farmer losing money?

He couldn't grow a pear

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

What do you call a mushroom who strongly believes in radical Islamism?

a fungimentalist

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter

Which side is it best to lie on?

she asked. "The side that pays your fee" replied the doctor.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

Prescription Jokes More Prescription Jokes

What's taking the pharmacist so long?

It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*

When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?

Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '