Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

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What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

How do they perform abortions at Hogwarts?

Fetus Deletus

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What is 10 years with me?

Wife:What is 10 years with me Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

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Why do all Pirates wear eye patches?

Chuck Norris.

Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school?

A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

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What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

Who's bigger?

Mr. Bigger Or Mr. Bigger's baby The baby, because it is a little Bigger.