Why did the man open a rooftop bar?

He wanted to have drinks on the house.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do mathematicians drink?

Anything to ease the pain.

What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can?

No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do you call a man with no religion?

Godfrey

What's a blind mans worst fear ?

A prius

House Jokes More House Jokes

What part of the house does a ghost not use?

The living room

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Why did the guitarist keep his condoms in his guitar case?

He only needed them after he'd opened it.

Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge?

She saw the salad dressing.