Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?

Because they allow 1 free carrion

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Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?

Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.

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What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

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What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

How do you call 4 blacks in a car falling off the cliff?

A waste. You could fit 1 more in the trunk.