Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?

Because they allow 1 free carrion

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Why is Jay-Z allowed to ride in the carpool lane by himself?

Because his name is Hov, OH, H-to-the-O-V

What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?

Tajweed

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Why does wonder woman fly?

Because she can't drive for sh*t.

What happened when pigs started flying?

Everyone got swine flu

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How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?

Just 1...blondes will screw anything.

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.