Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp. Credit: 3rd grade me.

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Pencil Jokes More Pencil Jokes

How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

What did the pencil say?

Nevermind, it's pointless.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why are your eyes dilated?

Me: "Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love" Mom: "What were you looking at " Me: "Memes"

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

Grade Jokes More Grade Jokes

What is long and hard for a black guy?

Third grade

What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey?

Darth Mule! A joke, from third grade me... Happy Star Wars day!

3rd Jokes More 3rd Jokes

Why did Michael Jackson love Beethoven's 3rd symphony?

It was done in A minor.

Why doesn't Gabe Newell have kids?

He can't get to 3rd base