Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.

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How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?

It has a rattle.

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

a hobbyte Cortana told me that joke

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What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

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Why are there so many avenues in Belgium?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shadow.

Why are there so many trees along the Champs-Elysees?

Because ze Germans like to march in ze shade.

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What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth

Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.