Why was the calendar depressed?

His days were numbered.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why shouldn't you be friends with a broken clock?

Because it won't even give you the time of day.

What do you call a dog that is underwater?

A sub-woofer! Thank you, I'll be here all day.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

What does the number 3 have in common with a Tumbler user?

They both can't even.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

Depress Jokes More Depress Jokes

How do depressed people lighten' up?

They drink bleach.

Why was the necrophiliac depressed?

His rotten girlfriend split on him.

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.