How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?

Squish it in your hand.

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did the one eyed thief, with a hook for a hand, call the elven princess?

Arrrrrrr-wen

Why did the T-Rex fail his business project?

He couldn't make hands meet.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

How will Santa get in?

Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what Me: what

How do babies get out of bellies?

ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO COVERED IN ICE CREAM: "How do babies get out of be---"

Turd Jokes More Turd Jokes

Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds?

The bucket

What do women and turds have in common?

The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Squish Jokes More Squish Jokes

Who the hell does that in a sock?

squishes out of the room*

What has 100 legs but can't walk?

Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it