How long have you been in pain?

Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How's my life?

Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What do you want to work on today?

Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

Pain Jokes More Pain Jokes

How do you measure pain?

In Hertz.

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Monday Jokes More Monday Jokes

What would be a terrible name for a new beer?

Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays...

Why are you all so excited it's Friday?

Monday will be here in 5 minutes.