What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How does procrastination start?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

What type of pants do you need to start a car?

Cargo pants

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

What do Chinos say when you take them off?

This was incredibly clever when I first thought of it but then I did some research...the closest they get to being Italian is that George Clooney was a "pioneer" for them: Reading that makes me never want to wear them again.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why does Helen Keller play piano one-handed?

She sings with the other hand.

How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle?

Nail it's other hand to the floor.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail?

That's the end of me!"

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

How do you make a small fortune in the movie industry?

You spend a large fortune

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why do pterodactyls use the bathroom so quietly?

Because their p is quiet.

What is the pH of a public pool?

All P

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

How does an elephant climb a tree?

A: He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.

Hint Jokes More Hint Jokes

What's the worst thing you can call a black person?

Hint: starts with an N and ends with an R Neighbor

How does the quadriplegic cross the free way?

I'll give you a hint... Take the "F" out of "free" and the "F" out of "way".