What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What did they call the man who knew how to read maps?

A legend

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas?

Quit being nosey.

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

Gift Jokes More Gift Jokes

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

How have you got that body?

I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was."

Why is the door to heaven always open?

Because Jesus was born in a barn.

Boy Jokes More Boy Jokes

What do you call a boy with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bobby

Why can't priests have children?

Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.