Gift Jokes

What should you not gift a Syrian this year?

A drone

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids?

Because it'd Krampus style.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb as a gift?

I'll never part with this!

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What does a gift and a black man have in common?

White children get immense joy after tearing one open

Why are Pentacostals so good at kissing?

They have the gift of tongues...

What's the gift that keeps on giving?

AIDS

Where do black parents get gifts for their children?

At Toys We Is

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

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What gift do you want?

HUSBAND: "An English girl." After a month, wife returns.. HUSBAND: "Where is my gift " WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

Whats the point of calling it "secret Santa"?

Everyone knows that the person who gave you the gift is Santa.

What do gifted bakers take in high school?

AP Flour

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

What do you give a kid with no hands for Christmas?

Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift

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Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

What did the dog say to the fireman?

The roof is on fire.

Airport Jokes More Airport Jokes

How about a really bad food court where planes land?

Pitch for every airport

Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?

Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?

It was all broused up!

How did Jennifer Aniston find her fiancee?

She looked very Theroux-ly.

Hearse Jokes More Hearse Jokes

What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say?

His and Hearse.

How much power does a hearse have?

1 corpsepower

0 Jokes More 0 Jokes

What do you get when you put a woman's face on a $10 bill?

2.23 in change.

What did 0 say to 1?

You're turning me on!

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

How does Microsoft count to 10?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.

What is 6 afraid of 7?

Because size matters.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What can you get off with your finger that you can't get off with steel wool?

Your girlfriend.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?

On a blind date!

How many women have u slept with?

Husband: Only you, Honey. With everyone else, I was awake.