What pets think about their owners?

A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What did the dog say to the two trees?

Bark bark.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What did the blind man say when he was asked what he thought about the renovation plan of his house?

I don't know.. I just don't see it.

How did the two perverts break up?

I think we should see other peepholes."

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

How do you make a cat go "meow"?

Take it out of the freezer and run it through a bandsaw.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ?

A sourpuss !

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

Which teachers care the most about their students?

Math teachers, because every student counts.

What do Vietnamese historians and Southern rednecks have in common?

They both care way too much about the c Dynasty.

God Jokes More God Jokes

How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !

Why did your sister feed money to her cow ?

Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Pet Jokes More Pet Jokes

What did the diabetic's girlfriend call him as pet name?

Sweet pee.

What insect does a neckbeard keep as a pet?

M'ladybug

Shelter Jokes More Shelter Jokes

Why is the homeless /r/anime mod still homeless?

Every time someone tries to give him Shelter, he rejects it.

What do you do when ISIS attacks?

Make a mad Daesh to a shelter

Owner Jokes More Owner Jokes

Why did the alarm go off at the mansion?

Because the owner entered the correct code.

What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire?

I'm getting the fudge outta here!"